Freaking Marketing

Maybe Seth Godin Really Does Believe All Marketers Are Liars

In Two ways to deal with "no" Seth Godin discusses how to behave when an organization turns you down. Some of his advice makes perfect sense: Write a thank-you note. Tell the prospect what you learned that'll make you stronger. Remind the decision-makers you'll be there if and when they need you.

But I've gotta disagree with two of Seth's suggestions. He advises readers to "sing the praises of the vendor chosen in your stead" and even say "based on the criteria you set out, it's clear that you made exactly the right choice for your organization right now."

Come on, Seth. If the chosen vendor happened to royally suck, and someone genuinely believed the folks doing the deciding made exactly the wrong choice, your final two recommendations would amount to nothing more than bullshit.

You claim they'll make you "more likely to be invited back, or to be the backup if the first choice fails." But is that what this is always about? I don't think so. Some business people would rather maintain their integrity than blow smoke to make an extra buck.

What do you think?

"I Want to Do 'Holy Shit!' Stuff"

We heard that from a Mothers of Invention prospect.

Why don't we hear it more often?

Remember: This is not a rehearsal.

"No One Knows Our Business Like Us"

On Marketing Maestro, my friend Josef Katz discussed managers who can't believe anyone from outside their organization could make a meaningful contribution.

Josef commented on the issue of objectivity. That's certainly important, along with the need to bring a range of interesting perspectives to the problem-solving table. From my work with the innovation consultants of Synectics, I learned that diverse problem-solving teams are far more likely to successfully innovate than people with similar backgrounds, job responsibilities, and so on.

Three things I've noticed about marketers who insist on doing everything in-house: a) They tend to encounter all of the problems associated with monopolies, including lack of innovation due to lack of competition; b) They generally don't do consistently great work, and; c) It often seems to be more an ego thing than a money thing. Economic justification for getting help from the outside is usually easy.

What have you noticed about managers who always reject outside help?

Social Networking Group Collects "Dumb Client Comments"

One of the message boards on the Facebook group, I'm in Advertising...Hell Yeah!, is called Dumb Client Comments. Here are just a few of the submissions:

"I get it, but nobody else will."

"I don't know what I want, but I'll know it when I see it."

"Can we put two single-minded messages into the spot?"

"I think that ad is really intriguing. Unfortunately, intriguing doesn't work for us."

"The budget has been cut. Can you re-size the TV spot to fit in a quarter-page print ad?"

"We love the concept. We just want a different headline and a different visual."

"No photos of people. People are overrated."

"This creative is too good. Can we go with something a little less good?"

While you're in Facebook, join our group, What I Saw at the Direct Marketing Revolution.

And if you have classic client OR agency comments you'd like to share, please add 'em here.

How to Throw Your Ad Agency Under a Bus

A guy I'd known for many years and considered a friend landed at a new company. He asked our direct marketing shop to quote a project with unusual specs.

His plan was to give away free trials of his software on CDs. He wanted them to be as ubiquitous as the old AOL CDs. (Back in the '90s you may have used them as coasters.)

I reminded him that much had changed in the software business, and free trials were usually distributed via the Internet. But his mind was made up. (At this point I should have politely said, "Thanks but no thanks.")

He asked me to present the quote to a group that included his boss, the president. At the meeting, the moment I mentioned the CDs, the president was all over it, calling it a ridiculous approach. I decided not to cite the origin of the idea, and simply said we could do lots of stuff with plenty of impact for way less money. But he didn't want to move off the topic. During this stage my marketing pal largely kept his mouth shut.

Then finally the marketing guy asked me to present other creative ideas our agency had to share. It was a surprising remark, because this guy had worked with us before and knew we didn't do spec creative. But I took the high road and said something about the in-depth process we planned on stepping through after we had an agreement in place -- including one-on-one interviews to collect different perspectives.

That's all the CEO had to hear. He told me there'd be no need to speak with anyone but him. I said it was generally best to hear from a diverse group of people. He said it was a bullshit exercise and waste of money -- and he already knew exactly what the no-brainer headline needed to be.

Since I'd clearly entered a theatre of the absurd, I politely told the president he didn't need us, and suggested he write the ad himself.

My marketing friend? He's now an ex-friend. I spoke with him briefly after the meeting but wasn't in the mood to explain why his behavior was so disappointing. If he decides to apologize and finds another employer we'll give him another shot. But I ain't holdin' my breath.

Have clients thrown you under the bus -- and if so, how did you handle it?

Clients from Hell: The Amazing Phone Call after Dad's Funeral

I was having breakfast with Jodi this morning, when out of the blue, I recalled one of the most absurd encounters I've ever had with a client.

My father had just died from complications following surgery. Dad, a survivor of the December 7, 1941 Pearl Harbor attack, was supposed to be home telling his five sons about his return to Hawaii's Hickam Field, exactly 50 years after the "day that will live in infamy."

The old man, who was never so excited about an impending trip, had a heart attack two weeks before his big day. The ambulance took him to a small hospital near my parents' home. It wasn't our first or fiftieth choice of medical facility. They said he needed bypass surgery and couldn't be moved. 

I flew down from Boston and was with Dad before they wheeled him into the O.R. Actually, he kicked me out of his room. Said I was pacing too much. I told him I'd see him as soon as they brought him back. I should have said, "I love you."

At around 7:00 the next morning, we received one of those awful calls from the hospital. My father had had a stroke. On December 7, 1991, when Dad was supposed to be reminiscing with his Air Force buddies about how they had saved the world, he was on his back, paralyzed and in a coma.

My father woke up about three weeks later, but couldn't talk. A couple of his vital organs were seriously damaged. A short time later Dad's heart stopped. One of the guys from the old neighborhood who happened to be a physician on duty at the hospital that night tried like hell to revive him. It was no use. Dad was gone.

At the time I told someone that you prepare your whole life for your father's death, and when it comes you aren't ready. After the funeral, when we got back to my mother's place, I did something really dumb. I checked in with the office. A colleague told me a client was antsy about something that sounded fairly trivial.

That's when I did a second dumb thing. I called the client, figuring I'd remedy the situation in under three minutes. I tried reassuring her that she had nothing to worry about, but she barked back a wholly disproportionate response. I said I was at my mother's house and had just returned from my father's funeral. Then she said something amazing: "Robert, don't give me that."

At that moment of grief, my verbal editing function wasn't working. Tact went right out the window. I simply replied, very slowly and quietly, that we were going to finish off their project like pros, and after that, we'd never work with them again.

Less than two years later, this woman's company was out of business.

Can any of you top that one?

The Ruling Without Comment

On this side of the fence, we periodically see a train wreck about to happen.

I'm talking about times when a client is planning on doing something that will undermine all our hard work -- everything we've done for weeks or months to maximize the odds of success.

Naturally, we want to get the client to change course before it's too late. So we compose a detailed memo or make a heartfelt phone call.

We go back through the history of the project to understand all the issues from the client's end. We think through the strengths and weaknesses of different options. Then we meticulously list our reasons for recommending a particular route. The effort could consume a bunch of man hours.

Finally, we hear back from the client. They've rejected our recommendation. No details. No rationale. No explanation. Just a sentence or two that starts with "We've decided to..."

What do you think? In this type of situation, does a client owe an agency more than a ruling without comment?

The Case for Apartheid in Marketing

Why do some clients behave badly? Because they can. Especially big ones that pay agencies big bucks.

I'm not talking about good clients that screw up from time to time. We're all guilty of that.

No, I'm referring to the ones that behave like obnoxious, spoiled children on at least a fairly consistent basis.

They remind me of the assholes who used to bring a basketball to the park -- the only ball available. If we didn't put up with their bullshit, they were outta there, and we knew it.

Most of us kept our mouths shut, because we wanted to keep playing.

That's the problem with agencies. They don't want to risk losing the business.

But what if good and great agencies routinely turned away and fired bad clients? If those bad clients were only able to work with bad agencies, would many change their ways and behave very differently?

One thing's for sure: Good and great agency people would find work a lot more satisfying. 

Steal the White Paper, "How to be an Awesome Client"

After considerable debate and hand-to-hand combat, the Mothers cobbled together How to be an Awesome Client in January 2006, and never adequately promoted it.

The other night I had one of those "Holy shit" moments, as in "Holy shit, I never even did a Freaking Marketing entry on that thing."

Basically, How to be an Awesome Client is a 12-pager that highlights the best -- and worst -- types of client/agency relationships. Dollops of advice include:

Collaborate, Rather Than Compete
Defer, Rather Than Dictate
Work With Partners, Not Vendors
Be Responsive
Keep The Focus On What Really Counts
Embrace Experimentation
Budget For Innovation
Hold Up Your End Of The Bargain
Stand Up For What's Right
Stay Positive
Be Clear
Be Appreciative
Be Loyal
Get Good Value, But Don't Be A Chiseler
Share Results
Don't Ask Professionals To Work For Free
Don't Act Like A Jerk
Dare To Be Awesome

Please download this thing (link below) and share it with everyone and anyone. Download how_to_be_an_awesome_client.pdf

The ABCs of Etiquette

Tonight my daughter successfully completed Janet Parnes' etiquette course for children. The frame-worthy certificate says she's respectful and considerate.

Too bad something like that isn't available for some of the marketing people we've come across over the years.