Optimarketer: The Marketing Optimization Blog

"Thanks for the Record-Breaker. Now Get the Hell Outta Here."

Recently we talked about client-side marketers who attempt to deep-six agencies for daring to be great, and others who dismiss agencies if the very first project fails. (See The Hit Job and The One Strike and You're Out Direct Marketing Rule.)

Now let's dig in to something equally absurd: Clients who fire direct marketing agencies after they take campaigns to new heights. The ultimate no-win situation.

Our direct marketing agency has worked with over 100 clients, and this has happened in about a handful of cases. The boss, instead of thanking the team that worked like hell to produce better-than-ever results, comes up with reasons to discount the agency's contribution. Or he mistakenly assumes it's best to say, "Thanks for the lesson," and take the work in house. Or a fickle client becomes infatuated with another agency. Or a client wrongly concludes the agency couldn't possibly do more great stuff. Or an insecure employee wants to make sure colleagues continue to believe she's the smartest person in the room.

Have you ever been involved in anything like this? If so, please share details.

Something Fascinating About Sharks

They never stay still -- even when they sleep.

The Great Direct Marketing Creative Crisis

Direct marketers rarely talk about the paucity of "Holy shit!" creative ideas within the discipline. (Don't believe me? Check the top direct marketing blogs and let us know what you find.)

Is the direct marketing industry in a collective state of denial? Do a high percentage lack the ability, budget, and cojones (the abc's) to produce groundbreaking stuff? Or is it they simply don't know what they don't know?

I suspect it's all of the above. And that's a bad thing for people who care about maximizing direct marketing results.

At Mothers of Invention, we've transformed outcomes again and again by uniting unusual creative concepts with textbook direct marketing techniques. See our retrospective for examples. We haven't conceived our Subservient Chicken, but at least we're trying.

Don't let your direct marketing campaign be held hostage by people who lack imagination. Dare to be great.

Andy Kaufman in the Wrestling Match

The other night I happened upon an amazing video on YouTube of REM and Bruce Springsteen performing Man on the Moon, a song about the late Andy Kaufman. It took me back.

As a kid, I bought a one-way ticket to Los Angeles. Initially I lived off Melrose Avenue in the Fairfax district. I didn't have my own car, so I quickly discovered the fun spots within walking distance.

One of them was Budd Friedman's Improv, a comedy club on Melrose. I brought a date there on a summer night and grabbed a couple of seats near the front.

The MC said he had bad news -- one of the headliners called to cancel, but a guy at the bar named Andy Kaufman agreed to come on and go for a few laughs.

A disheveled man with a deer-in-the-headlights look and obscure accent grabbed the mic and started doing one unbelievably bad imitation after another. Finally, he said he was going to imitate Elvis Presley. We grimaced.

He turned away to prepare for what seemed like several minutes. Then he spun around and killed as Elvis. (See Andy Kaufman's Elvis routine performed on Saturday Night Live here.)

I caught Andy's bit at the Improv before he became really famous. That night the audience was apparently blindsided. It was breakthrough stuff I don't think anyone in the crowd will ever forget. Andy Kaufman turned the comedy world on its ear -- and he didn't even tell jokes.

That September I enrolled in school in LA and became a marketing major. I wanted to do outrageously great stuff like the Jewish guy from New York I happened to catch at the Improv.

I still haven't done anything near Andy Kaufman's level. But I'm still trying.

Doing All the Innovating and Getting Nothing but Grief?

Behind most awesome campaigns you'll find an agency and client who've worked their asses off -- and appreciative people on both sides of the fence.

But some clients don't contribute anything of any consequence to the innovation process. Instead, they largely get in the way. They play games. They put their agency through absurd drills.

Worst of all, instead of thanking their agency for their contribution, they bitch about trivial stuff. They engage in "Gotcha." They forge a win/lose relationship.

Who's responsible for these sorry situations? Look at the top dog in the client's organization and you'll often find the answer.

Which means the problem is usually systemic. So anyone waiting for a 180-degree turnround following the departure of some rogue operator may have nothing to look forward to but heartache.

Unfortunately, some clients who demand the most appreciate it the least. Too bad they don't come with a "Keep Away" sign.

Is Direct Marketing More Science Than Art?

Hell no.

Surprised to hear that from your friendly neighborhood direct marketing guy? Don't be.

We've been involved in thousands of direct marketing experiments -- way too many to ever count -- but most decisions we've made weren't the result of split-run tests.

They came from the gut.

Each week, we decide on headlines, photos, colors, opening sentences and lots of other stuff, strictly by going with what feels right.

Sure, we're often thinking about all those tests we've run and results spreadsheets we've studied -- plus the countless pages relating to every big (and small) direct marketing issue we've read.

But generally, we're just going with what feels right.

It's always fascinating to hear from people who expect us to have empirical data to back up every damn recommendation we make. Sometimes I ask, "Is that how you make decisions every day?"

So help me, some of them are just dieing for us to come up with some lame-o explanation to support a recommendation. But we never take the bait. Why should we?

Trust your gut.

Speaking of John Caples --

Here's what I wrote in 1999 about John Caples and what was arguably the greatest mail order ad of all time:

It's hard to imagine that John Caples was virtually a virgin copywriter at Ruthrauff & Ryan in 1925 when he penned this masterpiece. To fully appreciate his contribution, consider the state of the art at the time.

The roaring 20s were a time when many mail order copywriters were still influenced by rock 'em, sock 'em medical potion peddlers. At the other end of the spectrum were advertising stylists like Raymond Rubicam, Theodore MacManus and Jack Rosebrook.

John Caples came along and created a hybrid genre, fusing style with salesmanship. "They laughed when I sat down..." even by today's standards is a rarity: a mail order ad backed by a big idea. See gang, it really can be done. And Caples was doing it way back when your grandfather was out trying to score some bootleg booze.

This engineer-turned-copywriter eschewed the opinions of his persuasive but misguided contemporaries. He demanded facts. Caples was an early advocate of source codes to track advertising results. He pioneered the use of split-run tests of different ads to sell the same product in the same publication at the same time. And he proved that in many cases, the more you tell, the more you sell.

John Caples generously shared what he learned in some of the most important advertising books ever written. In fact, in the foreword to the seminal Tested Advertising Methods, Caples disciple David Ogilvy called this copywriter "one of the most effective there has ever been."

In 1973, John Caples was inducted into the Copywriters' Hall of Fame and assumed his rightful place next to the other giants of advertising. All direct marketers owe much to this humble man who gave us so much.

Don't Be An Oldies Act

Know what bugs me about the direct marketing industry? All those damn tribute bands.

I'm talking about groups that have absolutely no interest in breaking new ground, and largely rip off the work of dead direct marketing legends.

They say they're doing what's "tried and true." I say they're costing today's businesses a lot of money.

Ads that were cash cows yesterday would be worth less than horseshit today. Don't believe me? Just test a dusty old headline like "Here's an Extra $50, Grace -- I'm Making Real Money Now" against a contemporary approach that nails the really big elements. But don't say I didn't warn ya.

Bill Bernbach put it best when he said, "Speak in today's idiom."

I certainly don't mean to disparage the direct marketing Hall of Famers -- especially the ones who took the time to teach people like me what they learned. I read the John Caples bestseller Tested Advertising Methods in one weekend and never forgot the incredible lessons, many of which are as relevant today as ever (see the power of "free").

The trick is to not just climb on the backs of giants. Instead, we should leverage the enormous body of knowledge direct marketers accumulated over the past century -- and build on it.

Why do those numbers-crunching, penny-pinching, risk-averse direct marketers offer full money-back guarantees?

Because they almost always pay out.

When you think about all the stuff that gets sold via direct marketing, it seems counterintuitive to offer unconditional money-back guarantees. After all, couldn't that book buyer simply read the book in one weekend and promptly return it? And how about all those people who buy an outfit for a single event, figuring they'll send it back after they wear it once?

Yeah, some people abuse money-back guarantees, and a tiny percentage are serial offenders. But this is ultimately a mathematical exercise, and these offers usually do win in net net terms. Basically, the increased revenues as a result of guarantees are generally a lot higher than the costs.

And here's a little secret direct marketers rarely talk about: The vast majority of customers never bother to return stuff that does what it's supposed to do. Years ago, we surveyed how-to book buyers and were shocked to learn that the majority never even read the book -- but never returned the thing.

Customers don't want to figure out where to send it, write an adequate note, re-wrap it, and bring it to the post office. That's why some wily marketers even offer 110% guarantees, which essentially mean they'll pay customers who return the product.

The Extraneous Offer

Direct marketers love off-the-shelf solutions.

After all, members of our industry invented the "swipe file" (a shamelessly honest name for a manilla folder consisting entirely of direct marketing ideas previously used by others).

Ripoffs aren't always a bad thing. If direct marketers had to re-invent the wheel every time out, they'd see far fewer good outcomes.

But what about the all-important offer direct marketers make to obtain orders, leads, subscribers, donors, and members?

Too often, direct marketers literally spend a minute or less thinking about offer options, then fall back on something they've seen zillions of times.

That's just plain wrong.

Every time out, we owe it to stakeholders -- including ourselves -- to at least give a full range of alternatives a good shake. You never know where you'll end up unless you try.

At Mothers of Invention, we attempt, as often as possible, to solidly connect the offer to the chosen concept -- and to the product or service we're promoting. Why? Because when an out-of-the-blue offer is used, the marketer may see an unnecessarily high share of "false positives," resulting in fewer conversions, upsells, and repeat purchases.

Precedent will only get you so far. Each time you implement an offer your prospects have seen again and again, you send a signal that you're not contributing anything new.

Do you really want to give prospects another reason to tune you out?